Who's Your Daddy: Beware the kids of the hottie!

You know the type… hot as all hell, sweet as cherry pie… so perfect you actually can’t believe you’re gonna score with this woman. Or if you’re woman, he’s the shit! This boy’s handsome, financially secure, well-built, polite…

all the good things your mom told you to look out for. You’ve been on a few dates and have just decided that he or she is the karmic reward you’ve been waiting for, your soulmate has finally arrived. And just when you’re ready to close the deal, you meet their kids? And you’re sitting there, looking at the offspring of your new honey bunny and everything about the way this kid’s been raised screams for you to get the hell outta Dodge? Oh it happens far more often than you’d imagine. The way you raise your kids can be a decided turn off if you get it wrong or one helluva draw card if you get it right.

Most single-with-kids parents, who date, the responsible ones anyway, know that you don’t introduce the kids until you’re ready to swop bodily fluids. And the time between meeting your new squeeze and allowing that to happen varies from one person to the next. There a very good reasons why you should not seal your new relationship with the dance of the beast with the double back until you’ve met the kids.

Kids can be charming and polite and respectful, or, and usually if they are the survivors of a treacherous break up or divorce, they come with huge baggage and drama, which will definitely  have an impact in your relationship.

A good single-dad mate of mine recently related an incident where his partner’s teenage son, who has been raised by mommy-dearest alone, has the fascinating habit of being totally at ease about plonking his scaly butt down between then while they’re wanting to cuddle or chill on the couch or even in bed. Said scaly teen mommy’s boy will then sulk and demand attention from mom. And mom, bless her cotton socks, thinks my mate is unreasonable and weird for finding this behaviour odd.

I too had had the sobering experience of enjoying a few dates with a particular single mom who was the epitome of Mother Theresa in the language department. However meeting her three teen daughters, suddenly explained how and where most of the civilized world’s foulest profanities originated from.

Point is, our kids are raised according to our values and when they are big enough to be influenced by outside parties it’s up to us to encourage or reject certain behavioural habits they may have picked up along the way.  Most single parents suffer from some kind of permanent guilt trip because of their single parent status and as such often let their kids get away with the kind of murder not often allowed in dual partner relationships.

This makes it particularly challenging more often than not, when becoming involved with a partner who has kids from a previous relationship. The rules and dynamics are decidedly different to dating someone with no kids. Priorities with regards to who comes first, the relationship or the kid, becomes an emotional roller coaster which needs to be tamed and stabilized for the relationship to have any real chance of surviving.

Join my guests and I, every Saturday on Who’s Your Daddy, on DSTV Mindset Channel 319, where we will try to understand the dynamics of relationships with partners who have from previous relationships. Come find out how to make it work!

Written by Marlon Abrahams for SA Men Online