A guy's worst enemy

Too many guys fall victim to their innermost demons in the developing stages of being “officially” in a relationship. How can you combat these negative emotions and turn them into something positive and constructive for the relationship?

Neediness, clinginess, nervousness, sensitivity and insecurity – these are traits which should never arise in a relationship, especially from a guy’s behalf. If these characteristics could be analyzed, the common binding factor would be fear. In my personal belief, fear is a negative emotion that can have devastating, chain reaction-like consequences.

These “enemies” I’ve listed above – all of them are generated by fear, a fear of the unknown to be exact. Take a look at this scenario: She says that she’s gone to do the coffee thing with an old male friend with whom she grew up with – are you fearful that she’s seeing another guy without you being in the picture? Or are you happy that she has her own friends she can spend time with, which means that you can have some time off to yourself to perhaps catch up with a friend of your own or braai with the boys? The common, immediate reaction when hearing that she’s off to see another guy would be “Hey, she’s seeing another guy! Maybe I’m not doing a good enough job of being a boyfriend…I think I’ll need to try harder, for her to realize that I’m the only guy she would want to see!”. This is how clinginess starts – a fear of the unknown. Once the preconceived idea of trying to do “better” in the relationship has started, it’s difficult for a guy to go back and mend his clingy ways.

Making yourself too available is yet another piece of the downward-spiral puzzle. Hypothetically speaking, let’s say that she’s gone out clubbing with a group of her single friends. Do you ask her if you can tag along? Or do you playfully tell her to behave herself when she goes out or there will be trouble when she gets home (with a diabolical glint in your eye – hint hint)? Always capitalize on a potentially risky situation in an understanding, level-headed manner. Learn to read the keywords in WHAT she’s telling you, not HOW she’s telling you. As is often the case, if you learn the ability to read keywords in a person’s speech patterns, you’ll be able to quell your own insecurities by sussing out exactly what they’re telling you. Friends, night out, fun.

As I’ve said before, too many guys are the architect of their own demise. They read a situation differently to how she’s portraying it, which often leads to problems. Communication, knowledge, maturity and tolerance are the words which should be replacing the real enemy – fear.